Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
