i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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