Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
