3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
