the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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