Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
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