He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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