SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
