so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
