I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
