I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
