Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
