I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
