I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I know her cup size but not her name....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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