i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
