I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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