I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
