He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
