just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
