Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hippo gnu deer
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
