Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
