I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
