It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
