Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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