you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
