Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
