a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
