Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
