That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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