question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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