hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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