finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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