I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
