The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
