when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
