i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
