Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
