please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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