You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Damn victory sex feels great
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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