I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
