I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
