im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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