you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
