ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
