Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
