Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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