I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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