I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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