I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
