living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
