i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
