Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
