i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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