Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
