y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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