You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
