I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
