i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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