Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
